Wait, there's no upvote, is there. Instead, just stand in solidarity with my cause, with the knowledge that maybe someday the dice will once again hate us all.
A truly moving poem, and a more than valid point
"The Dice Hate Me" should beyond a doubt be re-added into the game.
Clueless
The threat of loneliness was present now more than ever before. Yes, we did have time to focus on darts during this quarantine. However, every dart, as it pierced the dartboard, pierced our hearts as well;
With the knowledge that we were, in fact, playing darts in the company of no one, no one but ourselves. Who does that?
Every dart carried with it an existential crisis of its own, without anybody around to tell us to stop being unreasonable.
But all was not lost. Even in the darkest of times, those of us playing online Risk? We knew.
We knew that the dice hated us.
Few options of conversation were left for us by the developers. Their frivolity made them seem even fewer:
‘Good luck!’ ‘Well played.’ ‘Victory!’
How pathetically, despicably NAIVE.
Despite this, we had one good option. Truly, that was all we needed:
‘The dice hate me!’
The chat erupted with it. Someone was losing? ‘The dice hate me!’ Someone was winning? ‘The dice hate me!’
People would say it when it wasn’t even their turn.
Good rolls, bad rolls. Winning, losing, tying. Rich, poor, tall, short, straight, queer, college, high school, middle school, black, white, capitalist, communist, left, right, religous, athiest, cowards such as myself, immortal being, demigod, elf, dwarf, the short ones which I constantly forget the name of, Bill Clinton, Douglas Adams characters, Sonic fanfic characters, even George.
The dice hated us all.
We were many, yet we were one. We achieved a sort of unity human society never could, moving our armies across the board in a trivial attempt at world domination.
But we knew that wasn’t what it was about.
From then on, when I cried into my pillow because a side character from a star trek show died and it was really sad, or because of AP BIO, or because I know we’re all going to die someday and in all likelihood I’m going to do it alone?
I did it with the knowledge that, at the very least, the dice did hate me.
I’ve never been a religious person, and I don’t think I ever could be. But this? This was something I could believe in.
In a recent update to the game, the option to say ‘The dice hate me!’ was removed. In its place? ‘No dice.’
I knew dice weren’t the only thing I now had none of.
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Please, upvote this post and make the dice hate us all again. We need it more than anything in these dark times.